clotpole-merlin:

dragonlordofcamelot:

warp69:

okay what gets me

what REALLY GETS ME about this scene

is not the intense eye love-making

it’s the little pause that merlin gives arthur after saying ‘you have a very good servant’, the way his eyes are a little desperate as he smiles, and how he finally just cringes in pain and has to look away from arthur

because merlin thinks that this wound is going to kill him. he tells arthur he’s a dead man. and before he dies he can’t bring himself to tell arthur about his magic or what he’s done for him, because he can’t deal with dying with arthur possibly hating him. look at his face in the second gif — how his smile is completely false and desperate, like he’s looking for some kind of recognition before he dies, that after all he’s done maybe he’ll be remembered as a hero, and then has to mentally berate himself, turn his head down and shake his head, thinking no, i can’t tell him now, not like this

and then arthur acknowledges him as being a good servant, and merlin is shocked — he never expects any praise, sacrificing everything for nothing in return except for his friend’s well being, having to hide who he is at first for fear of his life, and later for fear of his best friend hating him, regardless of what he’s done for him. he’s just accepted this as part of his life. he thinks absolutely nothing about himself. he is worth so little compared to everyone else in his eyes. people treat him like an idiot, when he’s the most powerful man in the world. how tired he must be of getting shit on all of his life, being clumsy merlin, or that boy in the stocks again, or idiot 

i think it’s these little moments that arthur acknowledges him in, from good to see you, merlin to you are a loyal friend to ready? to you’re right, I do that really give merlin a reason to keep going. because that’s all he wants, in the end — to be acknowledged and be seen as more than just an idiot, more than just a servant; to have arthur finally know all that he has given for him and to maybe even get a thank you out of it

T__T